Days came and days gone ;)

Hehe suddenly feel like blogging in English.

There's something I would not want to bare my soul. But still, I am fond of sharing.

A second language might be a layer of mist? which, somehow hides the very cruel and true color of mine and bandages the bloody feelings up.

A teacher used to criticise that my essay is way too..chinese. He wrote "awkward" there. I had been so careful since then. 

I gave efforts to be ectothermic a bit and said bye to pridely including chinese philosophies.

And it's now time to back to myself.

Days have been bittersweet for me of late. Yes it's quite troublesome looking after kids' school homeworks. So dependent of them that I feel myself such a brilliant one when I was at the tender age they're situating right now. 

I do blame vocally but trust me, no murmurs in heart at all,that is only the real insatisfaction.

I instead cherish the moments spent together because it will not be happening again.

 Not even once once the next chapter officially knocks.

How short is the time you would sit next to another passenger at the bus stop? And that's the length we gonna cross. Consecutively we'll end up a couple of parallel lines. Me, you, them.

All.

There was a teacher( whom I frequently make writing material) telling me that life doesn't promise anything but death.

She missed out. Life also promises departure.

If everything occurs for a reason, would the moon be its metaphor? It alters on the quiet and when you could clearly spot the alteration most of the time it is no longer full.

 My beloved chinese malaysian writer, ban, used to say

 " The world is full of metaphors."

Days came and days gone. My medsi  is just around the corner. 

If and only if I pass the test can I survive the proceeding interview with my little possession of English speaking ability?

I always comfort myself, hey, those medic and nursing students might not even know how to give a light injection appropriately before pursuing the courses and after a five- or four-year time they will be the frontliners.

Why cant't I ?

Putting myself  in a row to others I am the back of the knife, yes. My speaking's dull.

I am just in need of an environmental polish. Then should not be a problem teaching secondary level english, I insist T_T

Many have asked why don't I pick chinese education.

I love chinese and I hate chinese-literate chinese belitteling their mother tongue. 

Nevertheless..

There're lots more goals for me to achieve, more uncharted seas for me to sail into. I always long for a versatile life.

which means, I have to quit contributing priority to something whilst striving for another something.

for example, the gift of constructing varied,beautiful sentence structures and to fish an ocean of bombastic vocabs. 

And I'm so eager, to make myself clear of those grammar things.The more I learn the more I realise my innocence. really ><

Not to forget one of the latest topics of the town , namely, some smjk spm candidates refuse to sit for chinese. Well it's the unwritten rule of smjk that taking chinese in public exams is not optional but compulsory.

But do you think they are wrong ? I figure that they aren't. It's not wrong being realistic.

It just.. HURTS.

Since yesterday was spm result day..  To those who managed to score ideal grades, congrats dear.

To those who didn't, we're in the same boat :) I screwed several subjects of mine too back in two years ago.

am used to avoid reminiscing that past but now, I look back and grateful of savouring some joy and some cracks within the same duration.

It was akin to a soul opener which had untied many of my restriction, obstination, and led me to a more understanding place.

It was about growing up.

So, do not lose your confidence anyway :)

Though the journey of extinguishing self-confidence and rebuilding it back to lightness, is also a golden learning chance.